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Date of Issue: December 01, 2005

Sandscript

Some post-turkey day funnies to get you through the holidays

With the quiet that comes after Thanksgiving Day, and the craziness that lies ahead in preparation for the remainder of the end-of-year holidays, perhaps some lightness might be in order.

Here's a bunch of Internet stuff that may be amusing. As with all things from the Web, the veracity is sometimes questionable, but a few of the items that were checked were correct, so assume the best.

At the least, it will make for good holiday party discussion.

  • In the 1400s, a law was set forth that a man was not allowed to beat his wife with a stick thicker than his thumb. Hence we have "the rule of thumb."
  • Many years ago in Scotland, a new game was invented. It was ruled "Gentlemen Only … Ladies Forbidden," and thus the word “golf” entered into the English language.
  • The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time TV were Fred and Wilma Flintstone.
  • More money is printed every day for Monopoly games than by the U.S. Treasury.
  • Men can read smaller print than women can; women can hear better.
  • Coca-Cola was originally green.
  • It is impossible to lick your elbow.
  • The state with the highest percentage of people who walk to work is Alaska.
  • The percentage of Africa that is wilderness is 28 percent. The percentage of North America that is wilderness is 38 percent.
  • The cost of raising a medium-size dog to the age of 11 is $6,400.
  • The average number of people airborne over the United States in any given hour is 61,000.
  • Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.
  • The first novel ever written on a typewriter was “Tom Sawyer.”
  • The San Francisco cable cars are the only mobile national monuments.
  • Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history: Spades, King David; Hearts, Charlemagne; Clubs, Alexander the Great; and Diamonds, Julius Caesar.
  • 111,111,111 X 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321.
  • If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle. If the horse has one front leg in the air, the person died as a result of wounds received in battle. If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.
  • Only two people signed the Declaration of Independence on July 4th, John Hancock and Charles Thomson. Most of the rest signed on Aug. 2, but the last signature wasn't added until five years later.    
  • Half of all Americans live within 50 miles of their birthplace.
  • The most popular name of boats is “Obsession.”
  • If you were to spell out numbers, the first time you would use the letter “a” would be in the numeral “one thousand.”
  • Bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers and laser printers were all invented by women.
  • The only food that doesn't spoil is honey.
  • More collect phone calls are made on Father's Day than any other day of the year.
  • In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes. When you pulled on the ropes, the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on, hence the phrase, “goodnight, sleep tight.”
  • It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer, and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month, which we know today as the honeymoon.
  • In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts, so in old England, when customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them "Mind your pints and quarts and settle down." It's where we get the phrase "mind your P's and Q's"
  • Many years ago in England, pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the rim, or handle, of their ceramic cups. When they needed a refill, they used the whistle to get some service. "Wet your whistle" is the phrase inspired by this practice.

About 75 percent of the people who have read the above tried to lick their elbows.

Florida funnies

Hurricane season officially ends Nov. 30. You know you live in Florida if:

  • You have FEMAs number on your phone's speed dialer.
  • You have more than 300 C and D batteriesin your kitchen drawer.
  • Your pantry contains more than 20 cans ofSpaghetti-Os.
  • You are thinking of repainting your house to match the plywood covering your windows.
  • When describing your house to a prospective buyer, you say it has three bedrooms, two baths, and one safe hallway.
  • Your Social Security number isn't a secret, it's written in Sharpie permanent ink on your arms.
  • You are on a first-name basis with the cashier at Home Depot.
  • The road leading to your house has been declared a No-Wake Zone.
  • You decide that your patio furniture looks better on the bottom of the pool.
  • You own more than three large coolers.
  • You can wish that other people get hit by a hurricane and not feel the least bit guilty about it.
  • You rationalize helping a friend board up by thinking, "It'll only take a gallon of gas to get there and back."
  • You have two-liter bottles and milk jugs filled with water in your freezer.
  • Three months ago, you couldn't hang a shower curtain. Today, you can assemble a portable generator by candlelight.
  • You catch a 13-pound redfish in your driveway.
  • You can recite from memory whole portions of your homeowner's insurance policy.
  • At cocktail parties, women are attracted to the guy with the biggest chainsaw.
  • There is a roll of tar paper in your garage.
  • You can rattle off the names of three or more meteorologists who work at the Weather Channel and every single newscaster and reporter at all of the major stations in town.
  • Someone comes to your door to tell you they found your roof.
  • Ice is a valid topic of conversation.
  • Relocating to South Dakota does not seem like such a crazy idea.
  • You spend more time on your roof than in your living room.
  • You've been laughed at over the phone by a roofer, fence builder or a tree trimmer.
  • Having a tree in your living room does not necessarily mean it's Christmas.
  • The hurricane shutter guy and your roofer are driving BMWs.
  • You know the difference between the "good side" of a storm and the "bad side."
  • You go to work early and stay late just to enjoy the air conditioning.
  • A battery-powered TV is considered a home entertainment center.

Sandscript factoid

Start to read the following and be surprised how far you can go.

I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdgnieg.The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mind. Aoccdrnig to rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig, huh?

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